I’m on a bit of a LOTR tear lately. (Maybe that’s because TBS has been using those movies to fill the few hours available when they’re NOT running Family Guy re-runs?) This weekend, I caught the scene where Aragorn returns after everyone thought he’d been killed. After he cleans up, he settles in to smoke his pipe, smolder, and offer Theoden some advice. If you remember, Theoden wants to move everyone to Helms Deep; Aragorn counsels Theoden to ride out and meet Saruman head on. Ok, now I’m a little freaked out because I didn’t have to look up any of these character names. Anyway, Theoden’s reaction: who’s the king here? Not you! ME! Good reminder that management consultants counsel and advise, but we’re not running the show. Anytime I’m tempted to believe that providing recommendations is the same as steering the ship, I think I’ll re-watch that scene.

Another thing: we saw Inception Saturday night. I didn’t like it, and my husband got to listen to me rant the whole drive home. Oh sure, it wasn’t the worst movie of all time, or the even the second worst, but hey, I expected it to be really, really good. Everyone said so: critics I trust, my friends, random buzz around town. So when I didn’t love it, I was surprised. In a bad way. And that’s just a rule of life: happy surprises = good, stinky surprises = bad. In fact, not being prepared for the bad news often makes that news seem even worse. So, when you’re delivering bad news at a client, prep ‘em first. Do the 1:1 meetings in advance of the Big Meeting to share the information and get everyone’s input/reactions – all the while being clear about what you will and won’t take action on. (Otherwise, they’ll expect you to act on all their feedback and be shocked when you don’t.)

And another (final) thing: Mad Men. Poor Don Draper. He thought he was being modest with that Advertising Age reporter but it came off all wrong, and the article dealt a blow to the fledgling Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce. We consultants, we like to stay in the background. That’s cool. You want your clients to own the actions they take based on your work, rather than you grandstanding about how you saved company X or launched the growth of company Y (remember, advisors are not the king – see above). But it IS a good thing to get your ideas out there: teach a class, give a lecture, write a book. Don’t bogart your ideas because you fear no one will pay you to consult if you give away your secret sauce. Others more eloquent than I have made that point. It’s worth revisiting.

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I meet with people in and around Denver all day long: management consultants, clients, potential clients, and lots of others. When a person I trust asks me to talk with someone, I’ll do it, regardless of whether there’s an obvious business payoff likely for either of us. And I’m almost always glad I did – I learn something, make a new connection to someone interesting, get an idea…and sometimes, I just like participating in a networking interaction without any expectation about what the outcome will be.

But.

The Crazy are out there. They are looking for jobs, and they want to meet you at Starbucks.

And it’s helpful to remember this fact.

Recent case study: my friend Abbie asked me to have coffee with Marie, a woman she met at the gym. Marie’s relatively new to Denver after living outside the US for much of her career, and she’s looking for a full time role. Til now, she’s done administrative work for the federal government, and she’d like to find a job in the private sector, doing something completely different. I’m not a recruiter, but I do frequently hear about opportunities, and my friend has asked me to do this meeting, so of course I say yes. Marie and I connect by phone to set the logistics and get to know each other, and it’s not the world’s best: roughly 95% what Marie needs / wants, 5% curiosity about me. Sometimes, though, initial phone conversations can be awkward, and I expect that our face to face discussion will be better.

I am completely wrong.

The first 30 minutes of our coffee session consist of Marie asking me for information, ideas, tips, and introductions. After some clarifying questions, I share my recommendations about resources, next steps, questions to ask, and how to frame interactions with recruiters. As our time winds down, I ask Marie what networking in the Denver business community has been like so far.

Marie: “Everyone’s really nice, very helpful.”

Me: “That’s great! One thing you might consider as you ramp up your search. Your style’s been honed in environments different from Colorado, and so far, your approach to me has felt very focused on what I can do for you. You’ll likely get more out of your networking activities here if you adapt your style a bit to be more mutual – an exchange of information and questions.”

Marie (stands up): “That is incredibly insulting! Abbie told me the same thing, and I’m leaving now!”

<storms out>

Wha?

…

Turns out Abbie did give Marie exactly that feedback. And Marie’s interpretation is that we’re both jerks.

deep sigh

*Homage to Liz Ryan.

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